Duck Duck Cougar?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
