I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
