I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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