no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
