So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Randomize
