She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
