no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
