Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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