All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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