a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
