did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
