all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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