why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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