There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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