well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
