I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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