I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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