after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
