he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
