Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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