The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have post one night stand depression
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