i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
