I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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