Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
