One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
