I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
