I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
