there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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