I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
