I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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