my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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