If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize