I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
