sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
sex in a hospital.. check
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
