My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The air was thick with penises
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
