Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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