If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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