'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
