An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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