Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
