My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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