he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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