I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
