I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
