How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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