just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
