She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
