u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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