Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
