My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In other news, I just burned my penis
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize