Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
