I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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