maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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