Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
