Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
