I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
