Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
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