Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
