Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
