I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
