I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
