I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize