I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
