In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
