dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
