Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
