Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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