i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
