My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Randomize
