So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize