you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
