So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
