My hand turned me down
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize