If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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