I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
